This is my last day in New Jersey

So, if I had a dollar for every time someone asked me why I was moving to California, I'd be a very happy girl. If I had five dollars every time I got a funny look after I explained I'd be even happier. It's hard to explain why I'm picking up out of the blue and driving 3000 miles to live on the other side of the country. The easiest explanation is the opportunity came up so I took it. There's a little bit of a backstory leading up to this so let me explain.

I graduated from Syracuse University in May. My group of friends, my support system, my rock- well they were all going off to chase their dreams, and they were going far. I mean really far. As for the roomates- China (yes China), Boston, Chicago, NYC, and DC. As for my APO loves- London (yes England), couple in Cali, Rochester, Georgia, Louisiana, you get the idea. Melanie was one of the closest in NYC (it only took 3 hours to get to her, no biggie) and then she dropped the bomb. She was moving to LA, and jokingly she said you should come with me! And I laughed, and then I stopped laughing and I thought you know what I should. Why not? I've lived in Jersey my entire life (minus the four years I was at Syracuse) how about a change. Now I'm not telling the entire story, so once again let me go back.

I said that I graduated in May, well about a week and a half after that I went on a two week roadtrip to move my other friend Jackie out to LA. Good times with good friends. Well when it was time to go home my boyfriend of four years picked me up from the airport and broke up with me in front of my house. My life was quickly spinning out of my countrol and it hit hard. Really hard. I had just lost the comfort of my best friends and roomates being available 24/7 and then my best friend and the one I loved was telling me he no longer wanted to be with me. It hurt. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore. I had my routines, I went to work (which in all honesty is probably what kept me sane). I loved my job, I enjoyed going to work and I got a "blind" kitten and a three legged dog out of it in the process. I had my routines and things were going ok, and I was content, but that's not enough for me. I needed to get out of the rut I was living in. And then Allison moved to London and Melanie was moving to California and I was going to be alone yet again. I was tired of people leaving me, so I was going to be the one leaving this time.

Fate was in my favor and it turned out Jackie was looking for a new place to live as well. So here I was with the chance to move to California and try something new with two of my best friends. Now anyone who has known me for a long time would think there's no way I would just pick up and move for no good reason- it's not practical. To hell with Practical. I've lived my entire life by the rules. I went to school, got good grades, joined clubs, made everyone else around me happy- put my heart and soul into my relationship- it's exhausting! I want to screw up, I want to make mistakes, I want to live my life. Life's too short and it's a great big world out there. I want to see as much of it as I can before I die. Now I'd be lying if said being dumped had nothing to do with this. I'm tired of the constant reminders of him. I NEED a change of scenery. Some people might say I'm running from my problems and that won't solve anything, but I don't see it that way. I think getting dumped was a wake up call. Part of me was ready to settle down with him and stay in New Jersey and live in my nice little bubble. But I would have missed out on so many things. I don't want to miss out on anything. I'm still young and I have a lot of living to do.

So, I hope that clears some things up, but I wouldn't be surprised if you still don't understand because honestly I still don't understand. My gut is saying go, get away from here and for once I'm going to listen to it. Am I scared? ABSOLUTELY! But I'm through with fear. I'm looking fear in the face and giving him the finger. I'm doing what makes me happy for once. Bottom line. I'm doing what makes me happy for once, and it feels great.