Day two on the Road

So, I'm sitting in a Super 8 Motel in Amarillo, Texas after driving all day. Yesterday we left bright and early (and slightly hungover- thanks to all who helped contribute to that, haha) and drove to Effingham, Illinois. Drive wasn't too bad only hit a little bit of bad weather and not much traffic. Today there was slightly more traffic, but still not too bad. Being crammed in a tiny car with my mom and dog is going more smoothly than anticipated. My mom and I only argued about the giant cookie. I wanted to just throw it out because it kept falling on the dog and getting icing everywhere. She did not. She did not have to keep crawling into the back seat and clean icing off of everything. I won in the end and the cookie got tossed. Other than that it's been pretty drama free. She drove the entire day today and I'm pretty sure that was just because she wanted to listen to her book on tape. Side note, I am NOT a fan of books on tape. They're just way to slow and it bothers me that one person does the voice for every character. Thank goodness for ipods.

So, driving through very flat countryside at night causes one to think- way too much. I couldn't help but notice how many stars you can see. It makes you feel so small. I've had way too much time to think. I know I said I was giving fear the finger... but fear is much more powerful than I originally thought. As I was driving 15 hours a day for the last two days, it made me really think about what I'm leaving behind as well as the fact that I have no job and know a handful of people. I'm less worried about not having a job than I am about feeling lonely. I'm confident in my ability to get a job and less confident in my ability to meet people and make new friends... how messed up is that? I even started crying becuase I missed my cat. I felt really bad that I'm not bringing him considering he has been abandoned by his last two owners. I mean it's not like I'm putting him on the street he's just gonna hang out with my parents, but eithe way it made me really sad I left him behind.

I also realized how blessed I've been with the people in my life. My family is ridiculously supportive of the decisions I make. I have amazing friends that I've known forever and even though we may have grown apart in the past, we always make it back to each other. Randi accepted me into her group of friends with no hesitation. Dan has showed me that chivalry is not dead and there are still nice boys out there. Kate's free spirit is always refreshing, and Jen has been family to me for over ten years. She knows me better than most and sometimes it's a little scary. There are plenty of others who've made my life up to now pleasurable and bareable. I can only hope that I meet people out in California who are half as amazing as the people I left behind. I mean I know my roomates are amazing people, but I'm worried we'll have opposite schedules and I won't have anyone else to hang out with (at least not at first).

Well I should probably stop there, although I'm sure I could continue. We're only driving 11 hours tomorrow! haha We should make it to Kingman, Arizona. Happy Trails

This is my last day in New Jersey

So, if I had a dollar for every time someone asked me why I was moving to California, I'd be a very happy girl. If I had five dollars every time I got a funny look after I explained I'd be even happier. It's hard to explain why I'm picking up out of the blue and driving 3000 miles to live on the other side of the country. The easiest explanation is the opportunity came up so I took it. There's a little bit of a backstory leading up to this so let me explain.

I graduated from Syracuse University in May. My group of friends, my support system, my rock- well they were all going off to chase their dreams, and they were going far. I mean really far. As for the roomates- China (yes China), Boston, Chicago, NYC, and DC. As for my APO loves- London (yes England), couple in Cali, Rochester, Georgia, Louisiana, you get the idea. Melanie was one of the closest in NYC (it only took 3 hours to get to her, no biggie) and then she dropped the bomb. She was moving to LA, and jokingly she said you should come with me! And I laughed, and then I stopped laughing and I thought you know what I should. Why not? I've lived in Jersey my entire life (minus the four years I was at Syracuse) how about a change. Now I'm not telling the entire story, so once again let me go back.

I said that I graduated in May, well about a week and a half after that I went on a two week roadtrip to move my other friend Jackie out to LA. Good times with good friends. Well when it was time to go home my boyfriend of four years picked me up from the airport and broke up with me in front of my house. My life was quickly spinning out of my countrol and it hit hard. Really hard. I had just lost the comfort of my best friends and roomates being available 24/7 and then my best friend and the one I loved was telling me he no longer wanted to be with me. It hurt. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore. I had my routines, I went to work (which in all honesty is probably what kept me sane). I loved my job, I enjoyed going to work and I got a "blind" kitten and a three legged dog out of it in the process. I had my routines and things were going ok, and I was content, but that's not enough for me. I needed to get out of the rut I was living in. And then Allison moved to London and Melanie was moving to California and I was going to be alone yet again. I was tired of people leaving me, so I was going to be the one leaving this time.

Fate was in my favor and it turned out Jackie was looking for a new place to live as well. So here I was with the chance to move to California and try something new with two of my best friends. Now anyone who has known me for a long time would think there's no way I would just pick up and move for no good reason- it's not practical. To hell with Practical. I've lived my entire life by the rules. I went to school, got good grades, joined clubs, made everyone else around me happy- put my heart and soul into my relationship- it's exhausting! I want to screw up, I want to make mistakes, I want to live my life. Life's too short and it's a great big world out there. I want to see as much of it as I can before I die. Now I'd be lying if said being dumped had nothing to do with this. I'm tired of the constant reminders of him. I NEED a change of scenery. Some people might say I'm running from my problems and that won't solve anything, but I don't see it that way. I think getting dumped was a wake up call. Part of me was ready to settle down with him and stay in New Jersey and live in my nice little bubble. But I would have missed out on so many things. I don't want to miss out on anything. I'm still young and I have a lot of living to do.

So, I hope that clears some things up, but I wouldn't be surprised if you still don't understand because honestly I still don't understand. My gut is saying go, get away from here and for once I'm going to listen to it. Am I scared? ABSOLUTELY! But I'm through with fear. I'm looking fear in the face and giving him the finger. I'm doing what makes me happy for once. Bottom line. I'm doing what makes me happy for once, and it feels great.